Last week, I attended a performance of "The Years," at a London theatre. It is a remarkable production where five different actors bring one woman's personal and political journey to life against the backdrop of post-war Europe. As well as the brilliant performances, what struck me the most was how the narrative unfolds entirely through a female lens, offering unflinching honesty about experiences so often hidden behind closed doors.

The most startling moment came unexpectedly: three times during the performance, the house lights came on and the play paused as audience members fainted during a scene depicting an abortion. Despite the scene being handled with tremendous sensitivity, the raw reality proved overwhelming for some viewers.

When I spoke with an usher afterward, I learned this happens during every performance.

This reaction fascinates me as a therapist. What causes this physical shutdown? Perhaps it's unprocessed trauma being triggered, or maybe it's simply that female bodily experiences - particularly those involving pain, blood, or reproductive loss remain so rarely depicted honestly that witnessing them becomes unbearable. We're accustomed to sanitised versions of female experience, especially around topics like miscarriage, which affects approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies, yet remains shrouded in silence.

Parallel Revelations.

The timing of seeing this performance felt serendipitous, as I had just facilitated a group session in my boarding school course for women. In that session, participants explored how growing up in institutional settings during puberty shaped their relationship with their bodies and sexuality.

The stories shared about girl's experiences at school echoed some of what I witnessed on stage:

• The pervasive shame around menstruation (still called "The Curse" in some schools)
• The peer-enforced culture of body disgust and shame.
• The profound lack of comprehensive education about their own bodies.
• The dangerous silence around female pleasure and desire.

In "The Years," we witness a teenage girl's joy in discovering masturbation, followed by the disappointment of her first sexual experience. For many women in my boarding school groups, this narrative diverges slightly from their own. The institutional environment with its shared dormitories, lack of privacy, and constant surveillance often prevents this basic self-exploration. Many report never having the opportunity or safe space to discover self-pleasure during these formative years. Some share that masturbation was never mentioned, or if it was, only in hushed, shameful tones. Some women don't even know it is possible for women until well into adulthood. However many share how their sexual journeys often began with disappointing encounters with boys, having missed the crucial step of understanding their own bodies and pleasure. This reinforces the message that sex was something done for men's pleasure, not their own.

The Messages from School

Without mothers, older sisters, or aunts to provide guidance, many girls receive their sexual education primarily from equally uninformed peers and a system built on patriarchal values that prioritises service to others as opposed to themselves. 

Some of the messages absorbed are:

• Sex is dangerous and could get you expelled
• Your body is something to be managed, not celebrated
• Female desire is inappropriate or doesn't exist at all. Danger of being called a slut if expressed. 
• Being chosen by boys is the measure of your worth

It can take decades for women to overturn their experiences, conditioning and to lift this shame imposed on them. It is common for me to hear how women have spent decades performing what they thought was expected without ever considering their own pleasure. 

The Messages from School

 Girls receive such little information about female sexual pleasure. While schools may cover the mechanics of reproduction, women have never been taught:

• The anatomy of pleasure
• The importance of consent and communication
• The normalcy of female desire
• The wide spectrum of sexual experiences beyond penetration

This absence creates a vacuum where shame, misinformation, and insecurity flourish. I hear stories often of how young women emerge from these institutions confused about their bodies and unsure how to navigate relationships where their needs matter equally.

Breaking this cycle.

I believe we can change this narrative. When women gather in supportive spaces to share their experiences, as they do in my boarding school groups, something powerful happens. The shame begins to dissolve. What was once carried as a personal failing is recognised as a systemic issue affecting countless women.

My 21-year-old daughter recently shared something that shocked me: she doesn't have a single friend who hasn't experienced sexual harassment or assault in some form. This statistic speaks to how urgently we need new narratives and better education about consent, pleasure, and agency for all young people. This isn't just in the past. 

In our groups, women often express how liberating it feels to finally discuss these topics openly. Many share how they're changing how they speak to their own daughters about bodies and sexuality, determined to break generational patterns of shame and silence.

A Different Future.

What I value about theatre like "The Years" is how they make visible experiences that have historically been hidden. When we see our stories reflected back to us which are messy, complex and real, we begin to understand we're not alone. The physical reactions in the audience demonstrate how powerful and necessary this visibility is, even when uncomfortable.

For women who attended boarding schools, this visibility can be especially healing. So many grew up with their bodies and experiences erased or regulated, creating a deep disconnect from their own physical and emotional realities. Reclaiming this connection is a vital part of healing.

Finding your voice.

If you're a woman who attended boarding school and recognises yourself in these reflections, know that you're not alone. The confusion, shame, or disconnection you may feel around your body and sexuality isn't a personal failing. It is the product of systems that weren't designed to nurture your wholeness.

Healing begins with giving yourself permission to explore your own experiences with curiosity rather than judgment. It continues when we create safe spaces to share these stories with others who understand.

While "The Years" will soon finish its theatrical run, Annie Ernaux's powerful book remains available. I recommend it as a starting point for reflection on how female experiences are shaped by cultural contexts.

And for those seeking deeper healing in community with others who share similar boarding school experiences, spaces exist where you can explore these themes safely. In my women's groups, we create room for these conversations, recognising that what we couldn't process alone often becomes clearer in the company of others who truly understand.

Do these reflections resonate with your experience? What helped you reconnect with your body and desires after institutional education?  Let me know in the comments section below.

Note: My next boarding school recovery group for women begins in September.  If you're interested in exploring these themes in a supportive environment, please put yourself on the waitlist and I will contact you. 

Healing Beyond Boarding School; Women's cohort.